yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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