Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
