it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
