i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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