He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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