I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
