I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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