can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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