i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
