lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
