Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize