it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
