I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
