bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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