So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
