Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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