The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize