Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
