just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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