omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
