I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
