He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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