i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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