Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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