1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
