Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
