So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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