remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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