I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
