I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
