uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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