I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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