so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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