You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
