in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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