I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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