Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
