The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.