RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.