Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon