bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES