dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.