apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You smell like stripper and shame
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
