a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
