So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.