cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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