go do what you do best...puke behind churches
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.