I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
