Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
