Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
