And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
