i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
