So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
