fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
