I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
