Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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