It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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