id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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