They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
