Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this boner is exhausting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
