Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
