I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
