I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
