Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
