He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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