Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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