These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
