There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
