make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
