yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
birth control should be required to get into college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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