the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
