Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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