I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
