thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
