my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
